Focus on the Family Community: Relationships and Marriage: From ...

First, let me say that as Christian, I KNOW, that vengence belongs to the Lord..."HE will repay". That, is not what this story is about. This

story is about a woman, married to a man for 10 years; she's 30 something, and he's 60 something. They have 3 kids - 5 to 18 months - and he has several adult children from low 40s to late 20s. We are a blended family. Not perfect, but still blending. I am not his 1st wife (obviously). I'm his 6th marriage; he married his 1st wife twice - 1 kid from that union; a 2nd woman - no kids; a third woman? 2x- 2 kids. We are both christian.

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My accountability

• Try to apologize IMMEDIATELY after I have spoke or cursed in anger (yes, I get that angry)
• Still try to attend to the him, the kids and home - even though it feels like a THANKLESS job.
• Fallen off the prayer - AND church wagon. I'm so tired and overwhelmed and don't want to continue to worry min at our church about these perpetual problems. We have only TWO people that we know outside of our church that hold us accountable for our actions, but they don't live close enough to come pray with us to strengthen us.

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Good things

• Will clean up at times
• Washes and folds all laundry
• Services cars without asking
• Maintains yard
• Will assist with bathing, clothing or preparing food for kids IF he's not feeling sick or TOO tired.

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?? Bad things

• In the past, he was horribly critical and verbally MUCH more abusive; I used to cry a lot and suffered from migraines for 2 years.
• He will not go to counseling; he says that ONLY have to listen to HIM and I'll have less problems.
• He likes to indulge himself in the fact that he's more knowledgeble than most counselors...like he can teach them
• Now, he's still critical and NOT that verbally abusive, BUT yells a LOT; I have GROWN thick skin and don't cry ( I don't want to give him the satisfaction of SEEING or HEARING me cry)? and still suffer from migraines but not as bad.
• His criticisms of me include, but are not limited to: how I clean up, tie the children's shoes, what I choose for the children to wear, what? seasonings I use when cooking, choice of home furnishings (he's always saying what I bought is not quality/cheap),etc.
• Now that he's older (and he can't use that as an excuse for impatience because he's in Christ), just about everything is on me - even though he's been retired 9 years and I work full time. He's not in bad health - just makes poor food choices and occasion sinus prob and UNCONTROLLED insomnia from his time in service.
• His adult children perpetuate chronic homelessness, joblessness, and self-imposed drama and only call him when they need help out of a jam or want to vent/feel justified about the above. They have all lived with us and their children. Even though I've mentally been through a lot, when he wants them to visit, I get scared; what TACTIC are they going to use to OVERSTAY their welcome. I should not HAVE to take care of these grown people while they enjoy my home sleep for inventing a bullcrap story about why they are homeless and I FIGHT traffic and tears daily to take care of MY family

also, if I don't feel like having his family come, he goes on a tirade about how I ONLY want my family to be there.

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-My family only stays with me for a few days, except for my dad. My sister ALWAYS gets a hotel room...she doesn't want to upset the balance of my home and my mom gets so irritated by my husband's treatment of me that she leaves.

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THE BIG PROBLEM:

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I am turning into this UGLY creature that I don't even recognize. I mean, the old me use to be deceived about how these women on soaps acted; weak, passive, uber-dependant on some dudes' love. That was me, mystical, but still me. Got run over, abused, used, etc.

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NOW, I've flipped that and I'm like: HOW DARE you. It's like I've awaked to a whole 'nother person who REFUSES to be "put in a corner". I HATE injustice and inequality. I'm for the word and living righteous, but find my spouses behavior HORRID. He sometimes looks at me in contempt for making mistakes, the one where he tells me I told you over, and over and over and it's like talking to this wall.

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so hurtful. I try but it's not good enough. I pray and then he says I'm selfish. He only apologizes when he feels like he's "dying". To me that's not heartfelt. I'm trying to stay out of dedication, but secretly hope that God will move him away from me. I'm

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